Job Security 3, pt 2

I drove out, past where I grew up and out onto the edge of the desert. I spent an hour screaming at the sky in the middle of nowhere. A nervous breakdown.

She was going back to the Ukraine and leaving me behind. I wasn't taking it well.

I drove home in the dark. She was in bed when I got there. I slept on the couch. Touching her hurt. She had left the receipt for her plane ticket on the counter for me to see in the morning. She would be gone in two weeks, Next to it was a check for the months rent.

She'd drawn a little sad face in the memo section. That was as close as she ever came to apologizing.

I called off sick for work the next day and the day after that. Spent the week following drinking alone and with friends. Heard a lot of folk tell me I'd be better off. I didn't want to hear it so I'd leave and sit on the couch in our apartment and drink. She didn't come home while I was awake. I don't know where she went.

I went back to work. Got headbutted by a man in handcuffs at a game because I hadn't been paying attention. Chipped a tooth.

She asked me for a ride to LAX. Offered to pay for gas. 

I thought about saying no but I didn't. She kissed me on the cheek. Hurt like hell.

Got up early the day she was leaving on. Went out onto the balcony for a smoke. She came out and stole a drag. Like old times.

Didn't say much on the drive up to LA. She looked out the window and I watched the road. We had just made the turn toward LAX when she said "I could come back, you know."

I didn't say anything.

"I could come back. You could marry me, and I could stay."

I rolled to a stop in the departures lane. 

"I thought we were over." I said. 

"We are. But if I come back, maybe something would change."

"Go to hell."

She got out and took her bags from the bed of my truck. She didn't look back going into the airport. I don't know if she was angry or crying. Last I saw of her she was walking in through the doors toward security, shoulders tense and back straight. 

I drove back to San Diego without stopping. Sun was going down when I got home. I went out on the balcony and lit a cigarette and fell apart.